


Drowns Us Out

by cannedsquid



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: M/M, i dont know how to tag this, i guess, it just is what it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cannedsquid/pseuds/cannedsquid
Summary: I was starting to feel like the walls were gonna close in on me. I invited myself along for exactly one thing. And the longer I waited for my opening, the more my heart was pounding.Previously supposed to be a chapter fic, now its just a scene that was stuck in my head.
Relationships: Johnny Cade/Dallas Winston
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Drowns Us Out

**Author's Note:**

> hi i havent posted in a while. i sorta fell outta the fandom, not really active anymore, but im still writing so i thought i'd post some stuff again. this was originally gonna be a much longer chapter fic, but i didnt like the chapter fic so i deleted it and also stopped working on it. here's the scene that was the reason i started writing it tho. i didnt edit it i am just electing to post it as i last left it. enjoy.

I glanced around. None of what was going on around us felt real to me. The music sounded like it was nothing more than a dull droning from another room, not loud and in your face. No one’s face made sense to me, everyone looked out of focus and distant...except Dallas. Everything Dallas did as he sat down next to me on the couch seemed amplified. Every movement was the only thing I could watch, his voice was the loudest thing in the room, even though I still didn’t feel like I was processing anything he was saying to me. I sat back, studying his face intently as he told me about a horse race or something. I traced the lines of his jaw with my eyes, carefully memorized his cheekbones. His usually cold blue eyes glittered with a certain, probably booze induced, warmth as he explained something about the horse he rode. I gestured for the whiskey he’d been holding and not drinking. I was starting to feel like the walls were gonna close in on me. I invited myself along for exactly one thing. And the longer I waited for my opening, the more my heart was pounding.

I threw back the bottle, wincing as it burned going down, and handed it back to Dallas. He hadn’t stopped going on about horses, or something, maybe he’d switched topics. Whatever he was saying, he was grinning about it. He never usually talked this much with me. My eyes drifted down to watch his lips, as they moved and made sound and didn’t say words I could understand. There was almost a franticness to the sound. As I stared, the noise seemed to fade entirely. My head felt like it was gonna start spinning. I wanted to lean in right then and there, I wanted to kiss him right where we were, because the world was fading out to nothing but that thought. I tried to blink myself back to reality, remind myself there were other people here in the world, in the room, and they could see everything we were doing.

I forced my eyes away from Dallas’s lips before I could do something I would regret. I leaned forward, arms on my knees, and looked around the room again. I needed an opening. I needed him alone. 

“Are you good, Johnny?” Dallas said. Suddenly hearing my name among the muddle of words made me start. 

“Oh, uh,” I stumbled over my words for a second. I wasn’t good. I wasn’t good at all, I felt like I was going to go insane if my lips weren’t pressed against his lips in the next five minutes. “I’m a-okay,” I lied. “I’m...just tired, is all.” 

“Oh,” Dallas paused, taking a drink of his whiskey. “Do you wanna ditch then?” There was a tinge of disappointment in his voice. Maybe he was enjoying himself, getting to talk to--well, talk at--just me for once. I bit my lip, wracking my brain for somewhere else I could even take him. If he had the T-bird right now I could just get him to drive around till I got the nerve...I don’t know how long I’d let the silence hang on, but after a bit he clicked his tongue to fill it before going on. “Oh, you mean like, tired tired?” He frowned. “That’s...I’m…well, that’s too bad I guess. I was havin’ a good time, Johnnycakes. I like having you to myself sometimes, ya know? But I won’t hold you hostage or nothin’...” 

I felt a jolt of panic for a second, then rushed to save myself. I wasn’t aiming to leave Dal in the dust, not in the slightest. “I dunno, maybe it's the heat getting to me,” I bluffed again. “There’s just...so many people in here and it’s so hot out, it’s enough to make you dizzy I guess. Maybe I just need to lay down for a bit or…” I didn’t know how to get what I wanted. I felt like I was running myself into a wall with each word I said. I couldn’t think about how, even if I did get Dallas alone, it would end how I wanted. My mind ran around in circles till it finally found something solid to hang onto. Upstairs.

“Right…” is all Dallas said. He looked around, like he was trying to think of what he could suggest next. 

I had to keep myself from letting out a huff of frustration. “Well, maybe I could take a breather upstairs or something,” I suggested. Dallas wasn’t usually so uncertain about everything. I couldn’t put my finger on why, I just knew I was gonna have to be direct instead. He must’ve had some shit on his mind again that he wasn’t gonna tell me about. He’d just act all weird about it for a while and make me deal with it. 

There was some kinda flicker in Dal’s eyes then. His whole face lit up as he searched his pockets for the key. “Yea, ‘course,” he said, muttering to himself after, “Why didn’t I think of that.” He handed me a keychain with six or seven keys on it, holding it by one in particular. I guessed that was the one I needed and grabbed them from him by the same key. His hand lingered by my wrist for a moment, and I watched his eyes flit between my hand, my lips, my hand, then my eyes. He licked his lips quickly, anxiously, before dropping his gaze and running a hand through his hair.

I sat there, hesitating. I felt like I needed to say something else, or I was gonna end up sitting in a room alone for a few hours and leaving alone. But I couldn’t figure out any other hint to drop. I sighed and started standing up, but as I did, I felt a hand on my leg. The sudden contact startled me, and my eyes snapped to look. I looked back and forth between Dallas’s hand and his face. That second felt like an hour as I waited for him to say something or move his hand or...or...something, I don’t know.

“I’ll, uh,” he finally said, his voice low. “I’ll come check up on you? In a little while, I mean.” His expression said something entirely different to me. His eyebrows were furrowed, in a way that might have looked angry if it weren’t for the knowing look in his eyes. I smiled. 

“Thanks, Dal,” I answered. “I’m sure I’ll be alright in a while, once I get away from everyone…”

“I might turn in, anyway,” he added. “I’m pretty...tired too.”

I nodded slightly. “Well, it’ll be unlocked.” I didn’t wait for him to answer again. I couldn’t sit there and let that scene drag on any longer. Standing there, attempting to drop hints, made it feel like I was making it harder to get to the light at the end. I ducked through the crowd, marching with purpose up the stairs and to the end of the hall. My hands shook as I unlocked the door, I think from nerves more than anything. 

I left the door slightly open, just enough so I could hear if someone was outside in the hall. I didn’t know how long he was going to wait for it to be “a while.” It could have been five minutes, it could have been an hour. Regardless, it was going to feel like a century. I paced between the window and the bed. I couldn’t even try to think of anything else. All I could think of was Dallas coming up here. Dallas and I alone. At some point I stopped pacing and concentrated on the yard below, staring at a rabbit that hopped around in the overgrown weeds. I needed to calm down. I could feel my heart racing. Blocking out everything else for a second, I took a deep breath. In. Out. And I tried to stop thinking about anything other than that rabbit outside. I barely fell into that when I heard movement at the doorway and my mind snapped back to how it had been before.

Dallas shut the door behind him, muffling the music that drifted up the stairs. I glanced over to him as he did, then turned my gaze back to the window. He tossed his leather jacket to the side, the same corner he always threw it in, and leaned back against the door. I felt his eyes land on me. Biting the inside of my cheek, I brought my eyes to meet his. There was a desperation to his expression, as he raised an eyebrow at me. We both knew exactly why we wanted the other up here. But I don’t think either of us knew how to get what we wanted. Dallas was normally the type to just jump in and take what he wanted, when he wanted. But tonight he was keeping his distance, he was hesitating. He let his head fall against the door, biting his lip and turning his gaze to the ceiling in the corner of the room. 

I wondered for a moment if Dallas did know what he wanted. This was the least sure I’d ever seen him, from the second I tried to get him alone. Maybe I really was confusing him. Maybe he didn’t realize what I was doing. Maybe if I made a move, I’d fuck it up and he’d suddenly hate me.

I drummed my fingers against my thigh for a moment. Even if I was wrong, I needed to try. It was selfish, but I didn’t think I could go another moment without satisfying my own fantasy. I’d made up my mind. I was going to have to do something if he wouldn’t. If I didn’t, I might explode. Taking a breath, I pulled the curtains closed. Dallas’s eyes snapped back to me, and suddenly I felt like chickening out. I shook my head. This was my chance. I wasn’t gonna fuck it up. I walked over to Dal, like every move I made might be the wrong one. I brought my hand to cup his cheek, still hesitating to lean in and make the move. Dallas's eyes flickered between my lips and my gaze, eyebrows furrowed, like he wasn't sure if he should or not. 

“Johnny…” Dallas muttered, his hands lightly falling on my waist. My breath hitched for a second, like him saying my name all low and needy was all I needed to boil over and give in. I closed the space between us and kissed him gently, one hand on his face and the other feeling up his chest. I pulled back, watching for his reaction. Dal’s eyes fluttered back open, blinking in surprise. He smiled devilishly and pulled me back in. His lips crashed into mine, arms wrapped around my hips to close what little space was left between us. 

I stumbled backwards onto the bed, more focused on keeping my lips against Dally’s than making it where I was trying to be. He practically fell forward on top of me as I slid back against the headboard. My hands moved on their own to the base of his neck, tangling in his hair and pulling him closer to me. I felt intoxicated by him, like the nicotine and whiskey on his breath were giving me a secondhand buzz. His mouth trailed away from mine and down my neck while his hands made their way under my shirt. I couldn’t help how my breath caught again. I could feel him smile at my response. He loosely grabbed the hem of my shirt, breaking away from my neck to pull it over my head. As soon as he tossed it away, I pulled him back, desperate for the contact to continue. Our lips stayed connected for only a moment, then he brought his focus back to my neck and shoulders.

His teeth grazed my shoulder briefly, causing me to shudder in response. He took that as an invitation, and I felt his teeth again, then his tongue, on my skin. I felt like I was on fire everywhere he touched. I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my lips as he left a hickey just above my collar bone. 

“Dallas…” I softly moaned, and he brought his attention back to my lips. I let my hands float under his shirt, feeling up his lean torso. I could hear a change in his breathing, his teeth coming together and him sharply inhaling. He pulled away, quickly throwing off his shirt. I wished for a moment that I hadn’t closed the curtains and the moonlight was streaming into the room so I could see the light dancing on his skin, making his face look sharp and dangerous. My hands fell back to his hips as he tangled his fingers in my hair. 

I could hear faint voices outside, stumbling and laughing, taking me out of the moment. For the first time that night, I’d remembered completely that there were other people in the world besides me and Dal. They were probably heading to the bathroom, no one ever thought to use the second floor one, so they were probably just doing that. I didn’t think they cared what was going on in the room, but it still filled me with a sudden self consciousness.

“Dal,” I asked, breathy and soft as he kissed my jawline. “What if someone hears us?”

“No one’s gonna hear, Johnny, it’s fine…” he mumbled into my ear. “If they do they won’t say nothin’, I take people up here all the time…” He pulled himself away from my neck and looked me in the eyes again for a second. The concern on my face must have been obvious, ‘cause he frowned a little. He bit his lip, like he was thinking for a second. Then, placing one more kiss on my neck, he broke away from me and quickly walked over to the dresser and the record player on top. He flicked through the albums, hastily, like he was looking for one in particular. I pushed myself up on my elbows to watch him flick back and forth. Finally, he pulled some Beach Boys record out and fumbled to get it onto the turntable. He turned the music up and was instantly back on top of me. 

I scrunched up my nose as it started to play. “Why do you have this record?” I asked. I didn’t think Dal would be caught dead listening to this kinda music. He didn’t answer my question at first, instead he was eagerly pulling me in and kissing me. I pulled away, hand on his chest, feeling his heart as it raced. He furrowed his brow for a second while I looked at him expectantly.

He shrugged. “I don’t remember, s’just one Buck had around,” he tilted my chin up slightly, slowly closing the gap between our lips. “‘Sides, it doesn’t matter what’s playing, as long as it drowns us out…” 

***

When I woke up the next day, Dallas wasn’t hanging half of the shitty twin size mattress. I wasn’t balled up, exactly taking up one half of the bed. We laid, bare chest to bare chest, thighs touching thighs, skin to skin. His breathing was steady, in...out...against my neck and shoulder. My arms were loosely around him as I laid on my back, his around my chest a little more firmly, like he wanted to keep me there. Every breath I took was filled with the light scent of cigarettes and whiskey. He was warm...we were warm. The sun was just barely streaming into the room. It couldn’t have been later than 6 am. I could feel a certain sparking in my chest as I slowly remembered everything. I blinked a few times, clearing my vision and turned my head ever so slightly. I don’t think I’d ever seen Dal so soft looking. A small smile on his face, content where he was. All the sharpness that was usually etched into his face was gone. The light bounced off his hair in a way that made it look like silk. I resisted the temptation to run a hand through it. I didn’t want to wake him or anything. I was worried if I moved, it’d slip away. This was real. My stirring, as little as I’d tried to do, made Dallas nuzzle more into my neck and let out a deep sigh. I felt my whole body melt again. Maybe I was dreaming. This seemed too good to be real. I closed my eyes again and breathed. If I went back to sleep, it didn’t have to end. 

As my breathing slowed and I tricked myself into drifting off, I could still hear the end of the record skipping on static and silence.


End file.
